I spend way too much time alone.

It gives me time to create things in my head. Situations, future jobs, education experiences, the home I'm going to buy, the person, i am suppose to marry. I spend way too much time trying to visualize this life that is way too far or me to comprehend. I am tired today, I don't feel 100 percent, feeling foggy, tired, just blah, my head is a little achy and I just am feeling yucky. Hope I feel better on Friday, going to hang out.

Shameless

Why does he do just enough to keep me wanting more. He doesn't have a job, lives with his parents, drives his mom's car and doesn't have any money. I am probably holding on to a dream that one day, we will be together. It is is far fetched and sometimes I wonder if he even likes me as a friend. A text here, a kiss there, a date in town, and then what... Where do I go from here, what can I surmise from your behavior. Women all around the world are screaming for me to cut my losses and hightail it out of there. I am not obsessed, When we are not together, I don't wonder if he's with someone else because, well, I got it like that. Everyday, someone wants to talk to me. What should I tell these dudes. "Oh no, I can't talk to you, I sort of have a fella." Bull shit. " You could be the love of my life, but I am going to settle for being ignored." Good choice ass munch! Alas, I am torn, but I shouldn't be. Upside...practice. Downside... If I'll never learn and he never learns, where does that leave 'we'? 50 years from now still trying to figure it all out. :(

I like this, not that.

For a while now, I have been fantasizing about being spanked, bitten, slapped, handcuffed, yelled at, and just for time's sake, completely dominated. I love it, such a turn on. SO HOT! Looking at me, I am completely professional, Gap and Old Navy type of girl. I rule the market on innocent -looking. Secretly, we all like dirty things. I am no exception. No, I have never had sex and technically, I am still a virgin. When I get married, my husband is going to have to put up with all my freaky requests. I am laughing out loud right now. wow. The romance, bleh... save it. Give me what I want, hard! No, I am not horny at the moment. Can't a girl dream. :) <3<3<3

Sitting in my office.

Here I am. Raw, unfiltered, unadulterated honest truth. Right now, I am screaming, figuratively speaking. If I actually were, I would be taken to a nice little padded room and strapped to a gurney. Two nights ago, after a few drinks and feeling flirty, I texted this dude. It was all cool, I wished him a Happy Birthday and offered to buy him a shot. Well, i finally see him and it's not weird. Except that little creep guy that walked up to me on the street and told me I was cute, other than that its cool. We go to a bar, order a drink, dance a little, flirt a little, you know the biz. We get out of there and I don't walk more than a few feet and someone Else's is trying to hook up with me. Ha, hey guys just so you know, I am one bolt from being completed unscrewed. I forewarn people, they don't listen. So I take his friend home, bid her good bye. Surprisingly, I think she is a super fun girl. We drive to his house or rather is parent's house. I am am piss tired at this point. I started working at 8am and it is now 4 am in the morning. What the hell am I doing, am I trying to have a heart attack? We in front of his house, I turn off my car, because at this pint, I am on E. He should give me some gas money, but that's irrelevant, I'm the one with the job. We talk, I tell him I don't hate him. He starts giving me that look. Internally just because I don't hate doesn't give you license to suck my face off. Well because I really don't care all that much. I go in for the kiss, its short ..say 10 or 15 minutes of some solid makeout time. Yea, that's how I roll, I have no intention on dating this dude, we have already been there, done that. But, a friend with benefits, I can do that. It's easy. I keep doing what I am doing, traveling, spending time with my family, walking my dog, flirting and hanging out with other guys and messing around with him. That is the plan. I'll probably cut him off again soon. It's just better that way. Less confusing, no talks, phone calls, wondering what he's doing, who he's with. I'll do the club thing for a few more months too, I am almost done with that. It is more annoying now than ever. Maybe I'm old. 23 year old Senior Citizen. Gotta run, duty calls